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"What's your Wind-to-Stank ratio?" ""scuse,

  • "What's your Wind-to-Stank ratio?" ""scuse, me?" "When you float an air biscuit, how many times does it stink?" "100% of the time." [pause] "Bullsh*t."
  • I pulled out a jar. "Is this the jar in which you trapped your alleged "stank" at Denny's this morning?" "Yes, it was a wet fart named Seabiscuit." I opened the lid. Fumes ate away
  • my entire face. I grinned, more or less automatically since it was just my skull there now, and said "My god! You have perfected it! The ultimate biological..." Then I died.
  • No one came to my funeral, which was expected, and without ceremony I was sent to the Soylent Green factory to become human kibble. My lonely specter roamed the halls of my old
  • greenhouse where I'd cloned the canopy of a rainforest. When the goons from Soylent corp. came to survey the old mansion, my spirit merged with the flora becoming a Swampthing
  • with my minions of dryad and roving carniflower pods. The tools from Soylent Corp. failed to suspect anything about my garden. I, as Swampthing, hid in the downstairs loo, waiting.
  • Although I am an American Swampthing I like to defecate on a British loo. Just a habit of mine. I pondered my nationality before rising to
  • check out the British peat bogs. I had heard the bog people had been preserved in the bogs and as an American Swampthing I was interested in preserving my youthful looks
  • . Had to if I wanted to have my contract renewed. There would always be younger, firmer Swampthings rising up through the ranks to take my place. For peat's sake, I had to
  • dangle 40 berries from the dingle bush in front of the Director's nose just to lock down this part. Sometimes I surprise even myself.

2 Comments

  1. buddyboy4711 Feb 14 2013 @ 19:22

    This whole thing made my face and skull grin in unison.

  2. SlimWhitman Feb 15 2013 @ 13:34

    Oh man, Swampthing humor. Dinglicious.

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