"What's your Wind-to-Stank ratio?" ""scuse,
- "What's your Wind-to-Stank ratio?" ""scuse, me?" "When you float an air biscuit, how many times does it stink?" "100% of the time." [pause] "Bullsh*t."
- I pulled out a jar. "Is this the jar in which you trapped your alleged "stank" at Denny's this morning?" "Yes, it was a wet fart named Seabiscuit." I opened the lid. Fumes ate away
- my entire face. I grinned, more or less automatically since it was just my skull there now, and said "My god! You have perfected it! The ultimate biological..." Then I died.
- No one came to my funeral, which was expected, and without ceremony I was sent to the Soylent Green factory to become human kibble. My lonely specter roamed the halls of my old
- greenhouse where I'd cloned the canopy of a rainforest. When the goons from Soylent corp. came to survey the old mansion, my spirit merged with the flora becoming a Swampthing
- with my minions of dryad and roving carniflower pods. The tools from Soylent Corp. failed to suspect anything about my garden. I, as Swampthing, hid in the downstairs loo, waiting.
- Although I am an American Swampthing I like to defecate on a British loo. Just a habit of mine. I pondered my nationality before rising to
- check out the British peat bogs. I had heard the bog people had been preserved in the bogs and as an American Swampthing I was interested in preserving my youthful looks
- . Had to if I wanted to have my contract renewed. There would always be younger, firmer Swampthings rising up through the ranks to take my place. For peat's sake, I had to
- dangle 40 berries from the dingle bush in front of the Director's nose just to lock down this part. Sometimes I surprise even myself.
- Started
- 2012-01-04 20:18:03
- Finished
- 2013-02-14 19:16:56
2 Comments
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buddyboy4711 Feb 14 2013 @ 19:22
This whole thing made my face and skull grin in unison.
SlimWhitman Feb 15 2013 @ 13:34
Oh man, Swampthing humor. Dinglicious.