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When I told my grandpa that "Baby It's Cold

  • When I told my grandpa that "Baby It's Cold Outside" is actually a song about date rape, he flipped his lid and told me I needed to stop ca-noodling with my tree-hugging friends.
  • I laughed at the old coot as I put on my raccoon coat, hopped into my jalopy, and strummed my ukulele. "See ya' in the funny pages pops!" Then I got a text from my gal.
  • AM ELOPING WITH YUR BROTHER. SORRY HE HAS A BIGGER TRYST FUND. XOXOXO. My heart nearly exploded. The old man, witnessing my devastation, burst into laughter. I started my jalopy as
  • the old man cackled after me. On top of that, now it was raining fiercely. I got into my jalopy, holding back tears when suddenly
  • it sprouted wings and we were airborne! Yes, just like ChittyChitty Bang Bang! I looked below only to see the old man pointing up at me, a wicked gleam in his one good eye.
  • "Where to, gang?" I said to no one particularly. Silently we glided over an idyllic English hamlet and soon the boundless sea stretched below. "Chitty-chitty," the flying car purr
  • ed. I missed the bang bang but prefered the quiet chitty chitty. It had been the O ring, just as I had suggested. A cheap fix & my stock went up. I turned the car towards Coventry.
  • But I wasn't looking, and ran over Truly Scrumptuous's legs, which shattered like pralines. But she was packing. Bang bang! She hit he in the arm. What a Chitty day this turned to
  • be, what with my arm whistling from 2 bullet holes. When Lionel Jeffries exited the outhouse his character called a hut, Truly Scrumptious had dragged herself toward me, hoping to
  • suck the blood seeping from my arm. Blinded by sunlight, she began to open her lips just as an outhouse pipe burst & emptied its unsavory load into her. (Countess Chocula, Origins)
Started
2016-01-17 23:57:56
Finished
2020-11-22 16:52:24

1 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Woab Nov 24 2020 @ 11:54

    This one had me in stitches!

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