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it was the second pair of bose headphones

  • it was the second pair of bose headphones that had been stolen from me at work in a month. Rage consumed me, but I bought a third pair. Inside, I rubbed poison ivy, peanut oil and
  • crab lice eggs. My anger subsided after lunch. Stacy and I talked about Rick James and freaky chicks. Back at my computer I was listening to Super Freak when my ears erupted into
  • throes of passion as they were graced by "Kommienezuspadt." That song never failed to make me smile. I had almost forget how I had been slighted, when Stacy called me up to
  • sing "Du kommst zu spadt, Du kommst zu spadt. Und Dein Schnittel zu kurz Dein schnittel zu kurz." and hung up before I uttered a word. Too late again.
  • Fucking telemarketer scum. Less than human. So I got off scot free with the murder spree I enacted ad hoc upon the telemarketers of the world. Some weapons I used included guns,
  • knives, tasers, cheese wire, broccoli, fishsticks and sediment flavored sediment. The point was, however, that I made it as slow as possible, taking hours to carefully slice
  • each piece in perfect half-inch pieces. The judges would rave over the presentation and exclaim that never has broccoli-fish-sediment looked so precisely sliced. Unfortunately,
  • the competition was ridiculous, having a knife so precise it could cut precise molecules out of the cells of the fish which were then used to arrange an elaborate bonsai tree.
  • But that was too much work. Instead, I cut all the brain molecules out of all my opponents. They died. My bonsai won by default! First prize was
  • a boot to the head. Outsmarted those morons once again.

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