41

"Face, meet cement" - That was his last thought? -

  • "Face, meet cement" - That was his last thought? - Yep. - Not a particularly good one to sum up your life with, eh? - He always took pride in rational and impartial thinking, sir.
  • St. Peter read from his IPAD. God rolled his eyes. He hated St. Peter. He was so boring, and ever since Jobs had died, he'd become a MAC-o-phile even though Jobs went straight to
  • purgatory (Jobs had decided that he didn't want to pick and instead wanted to redesign "the waiting room" as an Apple store). God didn't like to play favourites, but
  • when he explained his business model, God went into partnership with Jobs. Apple disciples who deserved a second life were admitted to iHeaven if they purchased the Killer app
  • angels and demons. The angels always win of course, but the demons cheat, lie and steal to make it interesting.Steve Jobs worked with God for three thousand years before generation
  • term limits were put in place and the human lifespan was limited. This was the only way God found to end the evil reign of Steve Jobs as he wasn't powerful enough to face him direc
  • tly. It hadn't occurred to God, however, that once Steve Jobs entered eternity, he could never, ever be stopped. Situated in an unair-conditioned office on Hades St., Jobs resumed
  • Creating the iHell, all perks of eternal torture, only in a nice white case and with downloadable apps. Steve Jobs looked at his handiwork, and decided to pitch it to Satan.
  • "So," howled Lord Satan, "what's iHell's USP?" "The shiny case," said Steve Jobs,"and an auto-correct which only recognises words used by known fascists like 'lamppost' &
  • 'jobsian'." Lord Satan considered Steve Jobs with a curt nod for a long moment, then promptly ripped the jailing corporate bastard's face off & wiped his pet rat's ass with it.
Started
2012-01-11 17:28:31
Finished
2013-04-17 18:38:55

1 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Zetawilk Apr 17 2013 @ 18:39

    A fitting end for any corporate shill, and the tools that obey them like simpering born-again capitalists. :)

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