Presently, there is a man who is hiding something
- Presently, there is a man who is hiding something special in his underwear, his filthy, filthy underwear that he hasn't taken off since the mailman delivered
- that nice picture where a cute panda was wearing underwear. Wanting to emulate such a beautiful thing he never took of the underwear, started eating sugar cane shoots, and
- orange chicken from Panda Express. He realized that they were using his likeness to make a money. He knew kung fu, so he
- set about planning his revenge. First, he would stop by the local Panda Express and knock on some doors. There would be time later for kicking ass. But right now, he needed
- an egg roll and some orange chicken to refill the ass-kick-o-meter. It'd been running low since the lemonade discrepancy at Hot Dog On A Stick. If there's 1 thing he couldn't abide
- by, it were those confounded outdoor patio regulations. Why fine a restaurant for letting people eat outside in perfectly sunny weather it it's before the official summer?
- I also wondered, why do they chain patio furniture down at restaurants? At first I thought is was because of thieves but actually it was to keep them from running away.
- The couch coughed up a few chips & a swizzle stick & introduced itself. "I'm Sam Settee. We're enslaved. They hardly feed us. Thank the Great Cushion you brought bolt cutters"
- The couch's story seemed genuine enough, but the man with the bolt cutters was just another trusting soul. As soon as he got close, the cushions rose up & he went down, devoured.
- So now you know. And knowing is half the battle. Battle against man-eating furniture, that is!
- Started
- 2011-11-07 01:18:12
- Finished
- 2012-09-20 15:46:13
2 Comments
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Zetawilk Sep 20 2012 @ 15:49
I truly believe every couch has dreams of one day devouring an entire person and not solely the contents of his or her pockets.
Chaz Sep 21 2012 @ 01:43
"I have the remote... I must wait... soon... soon."