Help! I'm a mole!

Help! I'm a mole!
A mole that loves mole chicken! Help!
Call the John to catch it before it's too late!!!
"Johhhnnn!!! Catch it!! Johnnnn!!! CATCH IT NOW! JonJonJonquickquickquik catch the..." (Oops, too late.)
John should've paid more attention to his mothers words. Unfortunately, his low attention span had caused him to miss catching the knife soaring towards him, and he was impaled.
But because he'd been bit by a zombie, John did not die. Instead, he continued on, as sharp as ever, in the spelling bee with a knife sticking out of his forehead.
Ironically, Zombie John's spelling bee word was "annihilate." He scratched his head, bumping the knife sticking out of his forehead. "Annihilate: A...N..." he droned, then paused
. "er... brains." Ding. " 'Brains' is not a letter, Mr. John. You are disqualified." Next up was Vampire Rowena, who was swiftly eliminated for replacing W with V in "weariness."
"This game is so racist," said Rowenia the Romanist, "I can't help but have an accent, you can't be so tasteless." "It is what it is," replied the judg-es, "you are a loser, and
--" Agromar of Unpronounceable stood up. "Enough! Do you have any idea what it's like to live among Earthlings? For one thing, they're crazy. And for another, they're still crazy!"

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