Once upon a time there was a 'Goldilocks'

Once upon a time there was a 'Goldilocks' planet where everything was just right. Perfect. But some of the animals started to question things after a while. "Why

does everything come in small medium & large?" said a Hippo. "Why no extra wide sofas?" "Why are there no extra long drinking straws? asked a Giraffe,but Empress Goldi tolerated no

holds barred cage matches at her swanky safari animal summer parties. Empress Goldi pushed a button and the snarky Giraffe and Hippo fell through a hole in the floor. A Rancor

Field enveloped the valley, changing the political environment dramatically. The animal pollsters became disoriented, leading to a stampede when the pelican from Gallup mistakingly

Identified him as a penguin. "I am not a penguin!", Dr. Field shouted. "And I am not voting for Franz Ferdinand." The pelican apologised and was forgiven.

Deep inside the pelican had been disappointed that no-one had ever made a super-villain based on pelicans. Something inside him started to fray at this point

causing him to wobble like a Wibble. He, however, knew that he could fall down and to prevent doing so plopped himself down in front of the TV to watch The Knave Of Peoria.

Suddenly, a knock on the door: it was a process server. Apparently a team of Hasbro lawyers were suing him as his so-called "Wibble" was a knock-off of their Weeble® line of

thinga-ma-bobs, which was really just a tool they used to sue up and coming inventors and absorb inventions into their corporate hivemind. "This ends now!" the Wibble maker shouted

and did what only a revolutionary could. He went to the internet, and tweeted the rant that would go down as the most important piece of literature ever. It was bankrupt in a week.