"Well dude, you've been saying put a camera

"Well dude, you've been saying put a camera on me, put a camera on me. Well, put a camera on me. Jesus!"
"I mean to show what a crazy dude you are, flippin' out," he replied. "Ain't nobody gon' think your ugly mug is photogenic. Tsk." He sucked air through his teeth. I felt ugly.
But at the same time, I was elated. As the Gurning Grand Master Champion, ugliness had its benefits. I contorted my face into a squished expression in reply to his comments. "Holy
Catfish! I think he has taken MDMA because nobody beats me at Gurning I'm the Gurning Grand Master Champion." The officials at the competition stepped in to respond to my
TPS Reports. After much deliberation they finally ordered him to unclench his teeth from the gurning piece. They then had the residual saliva left on the piece tested for banned
parmesan. This cheese couldn't make it across the border, it could kill the whole country. He gasped for air. "I swear, it's not what it looks like. You don't understand. They tol
d me that I had to cut the cheese, or they'd kill my family!" I glanced down and saw that the knife tucked into his waistband was, indeed, a cheese knife. "Where are the crackers?"
"Right there," he said, indicating my family. "How dare you refer to us as "crackers"," I yelled, feeling the cheese rise like bile in my throat. (Bravely I swallowed it back down,
remembering my father's constant mantra; "never let them see your lactose intolerance!") I glanced at my family, they stared straight ahead in horror, praying silently that I would
not let out the smelliest fart in existence. "I, uh, have to go to the bathroom, bye!" I eased to my feet and clenching my butt cheeks. Two steps later, I farted. People fainted.

Started: 2013-03-01 00:58:26
Finished: 2018-09-22 11:58:01

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