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It was a stoke of luck that the pirates left

  • It was a stoke of luck that the pirates left me on this planet in this area. Little did they know that this had been my "Fortress of Solitude" as I roamed the Universe in search
  • of the flying fish. Everyone "knew" they were a legend, but I had done my research. I was able to draw upon
  • my memories of that weird muppet that had the crown and threw flying fish which boomeranged and caused mayhem
  • where apparently planted by Jim Henson after he'd retired from the Muppet Show and become a part time hypnotist. Worse still, he'd planted a hypnotic induction so that when I saw
  • anything phallic, my left arm immediately shoots straight forward with a balled-up fist. I didn't find this out, however, until I was at the grocer and passed by the fruits & veg.
  • Any time I passed a banana, cucumber, or anything resembling a phallus, my left arm began to punch the air. I decided I should probably get some psychoanalysis for that so I
  • paid a bald guy boatloads of money to ask me a bunch of questions. Turns out that I was quite the crapper when I was a child and my parents were pretty invasive in their attempts
  • to find out about my defecating habits. I don't really like my parents. Why did they want to know? Why hire this bald PI to find out? He kept asking me obnoxious things, such as
  • how long did I plan to live with my parents, did I own any weapons, was I taking my meds regularly, and did I still serve Beelzebub. I answered the P.I. with (1) yes (2) um...(3)
  • no, and (4) I will serve satan until the end of time. The P.I looked at me, his eyebrows arched. He knew I'd make a great cop. He gave me a gun, and on that day, I became a man.

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