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Nine hilarious things my ex-boyfriend said

  • Nine hilarious things my ex-boyfriend said to me when he broke up with me after he cheated on me and ridiculed my broken feelings. Oh, the list goes on, but here's just a few.
  • "One in the hand is worth two in the bush." or his other choice favorite, "robbing Peter to pay Paul."
  • I realized the man himself was the actual cliche and then feared he may not be real at all. I started to treat him with indifference, replying to his inquires with nonsense grunts
  • and wild testiculations. The vapor rings encircling the pendulous marble bags were almost visible through the multiple layers of befouled sweat pants
  • . "My turn!" shouted Gladys, pushing Angela away from the glory hole they'd drilled into the 8th grade boys locker room the night before. "Oh my gawd." Gladys gushed. "Tim Johnson
  • looks like he had a really awesome circumcision." Gladys scanned the other showers, getting more and more worked up as she did so. Suddenly Jacob, the elderly janitor, burst into
  • the room with a huge wheelbarrow filled to the brim with leftover skin from what appeared to be hundreds of circumcisions. Gladys screamed at the top of her lungs as the
  • blood from the next room started seeping in under the door. She was trapped, alone and frightened with only a
  • wintergreen lifesaver and some pocket lint. What would McGyver do?! As the blood seeped across the floor toward her shoes, she remembered she was wearing odor eaters and quickly
  • improvised suction-cup mittens. She crawled, spider-like, up the moist wall. She tied the lint to the bars. Creating a spark with the lifesaver, she burned her way out to freedom.

1 Comments

  1. Chaz Apr 30 2012 @ 08:22

    ...and not a moment to soon,

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