Jack was exhausted. It had been the worst

  • Jack was exhausted. It had been the worst 24 hours of his life and all he wanted to do was to go home and collapse. But that was not to be...
  • The giant had fallen asleep in front of the exit. Jack could not go home.
  • That's when he remembered his parachute pack. He hoped his skydiving skills came back to him. It had been several years since his last dive. Jack jumped over the giant.
  • He ran to the beanstalk and, horrified, he watched as it morphed into a revoltingly elongated and veiny Prunesicle. You know the sort, you'd always discover them in grammas
  • freezer, along with....MY GAWD...a HUMAN HEAD! The frozen head in Gramma's freezer was covered in frost & icicles. He decided to thaw it to see who it was. Nevermind the beanstalk.
  • This being a fairytale, I'm sure the reader's belief is already suspended in traction, so you won't flog me when I write that once the head Jack found in Gramma' freezer thawed it
  • turned out to be The Head of St John the Baptist. Jack lost his shit when The Head of St. John the Baptist started yelling about how much the thawing hurt and what did it take for
  • Him to understand the nature of accidents in this universe. Jack understood right away. There are no accidents in the universe. Jack found out at a young age. The hard way!
  • Once, Jack read the bible, and in Jeremiah 29:11, it says that everything is pre-destined. There are no accidents! Jack was flabbergasted at this discovery. How could it be? What?
  • "Could this mean that I am incapable of making a mistake?" thought Jack, as he tripped over his beard and fell into a soup tureen. "Nope," said God, "You're quite mistaken."


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