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If there's one thing I hate it's midget amateur

  • If there's one thing I hate it's midget amateur snowmobilers with a lisp and a hairlip. If there's two things I hate it's
  • that first thing, and people who hate that first thing. If there's three things I hate it's that first thing, people who hate that first thing, and geese. Geese suck. I know you
  • Like them, but there's only so much I will do to save this marriage. So, honey, it comes down to this: it's me or the hobby farm. Your call. Text me. You know the number. Love. AB
  • No man should be forced to choose between his wife of thirty years and his prized alpaca stud. My hands shook as I wrote my reply. There was one thing I had never dared to tell her
  • : that I, Juan Ramirez Jacinta Maria Espinoza Carmelina Lopez, am myself an alpaca. The signs were all there, but her lack of questioning regarding our alpacataur children
  • whom we could never cure of the habit of spiting partially digested food and shiting together in a line only prolonged the inevitable divorce. I took the kids and headed for machu
  • -rian candidate. It's like one of my favorite movies. At the theater, in the dark I saw her, over my kids' heads, it was my mistress, the one that had eaten
  • sashimi from the crevice of my prodigious rear end. She was a fan of all things Japanese and said my globes looked like a sumo wrestler's backside. It got kind of strange when
  • she brushed even the minutest cusp of Japanese culture because, god damn, those people are seriously fucked up. They make porn and then CENSOR it. It's not on public TV. Logic.
  • Then she realized that she had finished going through the archive of humanity, and made her decision - This species was unworthy of enlightenment. She would eradicate them.
Started
2011-04-25 01:05:01
Finished
2012-09-06 16:01:54

2 Comments

  1. Avatar

    SlimWhitman Sep 09 2012 @ 05:51

    "Males have much tidier, and fewer dung piles than females, which tend to stand in a line and all go at once." " [Llamas] spit at each other as a way of disciplining lower-ranked llamas in the herd." - Wikipedia
  2. Avatar

    SlimWhitman Sep 09 2012 @ 05:53

    Actually that second quote should have been from the Alpaca article: "Not all alpacas spit, but all are capable of doing so. " -Wikipedia

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