"Howard, I'm telling you. The man's a genius.

  • "Howard, I'm telling you. The man's a genius. The contraption he mounts on his cattle collect the methane emisions, he gets to book a carbon windfall & then he sells it to the
  • ACME whoopee cushion company. Howard, I'm telling, you, you, yes, you, dang it, the man, well, he's a genius. He is. And I don't care if anyone else knows it because I, Marlon P.
  • Diddy am investing every last cent I own in the ACME Whoopee Cushion Company. And I'm gonna be rich, I tell you...RICH!" Howard was impressed with Diddy' s
  • enthusiasm. After all, if the Whoopee Cushion Company didn't make it, he would lose everything. But what did Howard know about savings?
  • Sparing no expense, Howard put the Whoopee Cushion Company's marketing dept. to work on new slogans finally settling on "Wherever you may be//Let your wind pass free". Sales
  • were buoyed considerably, & Howard felt Whoopee Cushion Company was floating on a cloud. He got to decorate the White House & Trump tweeted the noises made by VIPs as they reclined
  • on their whoopie cushions. For this (among many other things), he was voted out of office. His successor opted for self-effacing gags, which was much more diplomatic. The president
  • gathered what remained of his cabinet and lit it on fire. Of course, him being him, he did it live on all platforms. The Z-Anon zealots saw it as a vindication and sprung riots and
  • eventually lapsed into a deep depression over all the things they thought they wanted to do until one day you realize, "No, this is who I am, a lazy, self-hating monster," and then
  • the scales fall from your eyes and you see the Gates of the Heaven you don't believe in. You remember you don't believe in it and it resolves into your foot in your Spaghetti-Os.


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