She pulled at my arm, dragging me onto the
- She pulled at my arm, dragging me onto the dance floor. Over the music, I shouted "I haven't had enough to drink to do this." She smiled and said something I couldn't hear. We
- danced until we chaffed so badly that we spent the rest of the evening applying salves, ice packs and Anusol to our tender parts. It was a bonding experience that
- turned literal after we realized that someone must have replaced our Anusol with Krazy glue. Our thighs were sealed together krazy strong, krazy fast. I was rethinking the wisdom
- of having an affair with my third wifes second daughter by her fifth husband when my son came into the room and yelled "What are you doing with my wife. "When did you get married?"
- I realized that my inbred multiple marriage infidelities actually made me a White Trash John Nash. I was a trailer mathematical genius. Quickly I got three tall boys of bud light
- and calculated the exact wind speed and direction for shooting the 'coon that happened to wander into my trailer. I may be freakishly smart, but I sometimes forget
- that some of the 'coons in these parts escaped from the Animal Research Station for Intelligent Design and are a good deal smarter than your average wash bear. While I drew a bead
- from the drawer next to the bed, my thoughts turned idly to hygiene. Had I washed this thing after I'd used it last time? I shrugged, and, coating the bead with lubricant, popped
- out my turgid member and inserted the bead. Sure, they were meant to be "put further down Gooch St", but life gets boring when you live by social norms. My urethra, now olive-like
- squirts out urine in a wide cone so I have to sit when I pee. And thus ends my horrid story about I deformed my penis, which no one probably wanted to hear about in the first place
- Started
- 2011-03-20 19:51:58
- Finished
- 2011-04-21 23:24:04
4 Comments
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SlimWhitman Apr 22 2011 @ 06:53
Wow, i sure didn't have that use of 'bead' in my sights when I wrote that. FoldingStory casts a wide cone too - no analogy intended. ;-)
ChucksterAce Apr 22 2011 @ 13:41
Yes we are a Twisted bunch aren't we.
scyld Apr 24 2011 @ 01:53
Lol at making "drawing a bead" mean... that.
ChucksterAce Apr 24 2011 @ 16:45
Young people don't realize that 50 years ago a lot of medications were given as suppositories and the directions "shove it up your rectum." this story reminds me of that time.