Good News! The female snail penis count is

  • Good News! The female snail penis count is going down!
  • Now I realize this is great news, but seriously, the local TV station interrupts the season finale of "Dancing With The Midgets" to tell me about the female snail penis count? Why
  • if I had a penis growing out of my head, I'd welcome the interruption, but I haven't. Now when 'Dancing With Midgets' resumed, the winner had been announced & a midget brawl was
  • hed away the last minuscule vestige of humanity. Storm troopers began randomly kicking audience members in the balls while dancing midgets filled balloons with confectioners sugar
  • and blowing them up until they exploded, spraying sugar all over Jar Jar Binks almost but not quite rendering him/her (it?) speechless. The audience was now
  • totally bored, so much so that the audience grew stalagmites out of their skulls. George Lucas came into the theater to collect the opinion cards. This did not look good. He tried
  • drowning the focus group in the cleansing fires of Mustafar, but they were shifty. George Lucas had an idea. What if he skipped ahead to Episode 10? Episode 7 would be a prequel
  • like none other. Dowager Empress Leia swept her hand across the table laden with figurines. "Bastante diko Bantas metiko abra cubracheriko!" she expectorated. But Helen Hayes app
  • lied her brain, and said back to Empress Laia, "slorkzen mkrago zlarba!" This enraged Leia, and she leapt at me, resulting in a catfight which would go down in history.
  • So that is my explanation for why I have scratch marks down my back. That is my story and I'm sticking to it. I don't care if you don't believe me. And with that, I walked out.