The day the roses turned black was the day

  • The day the roses turned black was the day that everything changed for us. We had only just recovered from
  • aphids when suddenly we were stricken with black mold. We had tried to telepathically communicate to our gardener that rose competitions and organic methods do not mix, but he
  • was a devout Catholic and thought demons were trying to possess his mind so the gardener
  • bought him a ouija board on april fools day. The day after he fired him. It was that day that the gardener planned to...
  • harvest fresh saffron from the crocus blooms, which were just starting to fade. It was an essential ingredient in my
  • famous meat pie. "There is nothing more expensive than Saffron," Jeremy exclaimed all of a sudden. I wasn't going to disagree with a hedgehog farmer so I simply nodded my head and
  • hummed a couple bars of 'Mellow Yellow' while I beheaded another hedgehog. This pie was going to be delicious! All it needed was
  • the hedgehog queen, but she wielded a magical scepter that guarded against my beheadings. She turned to face me, refusing to become pie filling. I jammed the grenade in the hole
  • and backed away conjuring fireballs. But I had forgotten her tail. She swept it out and it caught me behind the knees. I fell as she jumped into the air,
  • and I braced for the impact. Nothing. I watched gratefully as she floated above me with that warm smile of hers. It was over. She knew she had won. That's all she ever wanted.


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