53

I’m not a one-of-a-kind. According to the

  • I’m not a one-of-a-kind. According to the stamp on my birth certificate, I’m a “Limited Edition '94 Bob Vantz”. The other 19 Bob Vantz’s that were produced are scattered throughout
  • northern Pennsylvania, mostly in Scranton. Bob Vantz of Vantz Refrigeration is a helluva refrigeration technician, and I'm not just saying that cause he made me. I mean, he could t
  • inker with a Linde cycler until your argon was a puddle of cryoliquid or trap atoms with a magnetic cats craddle & pen laser. But usually Bob Vantz just changed the cooling liquid
  • -ation sale put on by the Air Conditioning warehouse to a mere 50% off sale. Bob Vantz was the epitome of "phoning it in" salesmanship. He'd given up creativity for a ton of
  • vacant spiel & supressed rage. One day Bob Vantz woke up. He looked in the mirror & noticed he wasn't there. He called Air Conditioning Warehouse & quit. Walking down the street
  • He realised that the air conditioning in his home needed fixing, but he knew how to do it. His wife called him and asked when he was returning. Where was he now?
  • "I'm in Nebraska. Omaha, Nebraska. I got tired of Buffalo, & you &the kids & those punks on their suicide machines. I know how to fix the A/C but I came to Nebraska instead. I met
  • an insane old hag and I'm gonna marry her and we're going to live in a filthy yurt in Nebraska without A/C until we die!" There was no reply on the other end. "Omaha, Nebraska."
  • "Yes, Omaha, Nebraska. Did I stutter?" "No, but shut-up. I have your insane old had on the other line and she says you're a dog's asshole and she wouldn't marry you if you had a bi
  • g enormous johnson which you don't." "Thanks, Larry. Just tell that emasculating prune that had she abided by her promise to begin with, my johnson'd be 10 times its current size."
Started
2012-06-07 12:13:57
Finished
2018-01-11 10:20:13

12 Comments

  1. Avatar

    LordVacuity Jan 11 2018 @ 12:59

    It took 5 and a half years to find out some hag in Omaha is the reason Bob Vantz of Vantz Refrigeration’s Johnson is a tenth of the size it could have been. Phyllis doesn’t seem to mind though.
  2. Avatar

    LordVacuity Jan 11 2018 @ 13:00

    I wonder if the other 19 Bob Vantz’ lived up to their Johnson potential.
  3. Avatar

    IceSquad Jan 11 2018 @ 13:27

    This has been brought to you by Johnson & Johnson
  4. Avatar

    Woab Jan 11 2018 @ 14:46

    *insane old hag cackle*
  5. Avatar

    SlimWhitman Jan 11 2018 @ 17:47

    Who's Phyllis?
  6. Avatar

    LordVacuity Jan 11 2018 @ 18:06

    Phyllis is Bob Vantz’s wife on The Office.
  7. Avatar

    LordVacuity Jan 12 2018 @ 02:23

    Sorry, it is Bob Vance's Phyllis.
  8. Avatar

    SlimWhitman Jan 12 2018 @ 03:44

    Bob Vance #3?
  9. Avatar

    IceSquad Jan 12 2018 @ 05:05

    There's not enough shvance for even one of them
  10. Avatar

    SlimWhitman Jan 12 2018 @ 17:42

    The moral is: Don't Bob your advances.
  11. Avatar

    LordVacuity Jan 12 2018 @ 18:16

    But who's on first street on the left when you come blindside?
  12. Avatar

    LordVacuity Jan 12 2018 @ 18:18

    Like last night, driving back from the Alamo. I hit that crossroads. When I looked down the road on my right I just saw nothing. It was that close.

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