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Humphrey was a man of action, and as a man

  • Humphrey was a man of action, and as a man of action the first thing he did every morning was hunt and eat 3 feral wolves and drink a bucket of magma. After this his routine was to
  • down 3 gallons of napalm and swallow whole 3 dozen eggs, with carton. Not even pausing for breath, he shaved with a bowie knife in one clean swoop, using no lotion or aftershave.
  • Then Crocodile Dundee realized that the only way to kill a drug dealer from New York was to lure him to Australia and pick his gang off one by one in the outback. Unfortunately
  • , eventhough he impressed them with his "This is a Knife!" speech. Their "This is a Glock!" speech was moreso. Dundee's Jeep took off into the desert with the Bangers driving close
  • and shouting to us through the window of their vehicle, "It's spelt cum, it's not a house style, it's spelt c-u-m!" But of course we couldn't hear them with the window down, racing
  • cumbersomely down "Syringe Lane." My tire was injected with diuretics and went flat. "Speed Racer's passing us!" I yelled to my crew chief. He called an airstrike of molasses and
  • destroyed the Sugar People once and for all. Oh, those Sugar People. Never again will I assosciate with them. Never. Simon turned to his wife, "Honey...
  • let's go get some Tootise Rolls!" Simon's wife balked. "Honey," she replied, "You need artificially flavored crap like a turtle needs a seat belt." Simon scowled but obeyed his
  • battle-axe. Utterly emasculated, Simon felt a twinge of regret at the knowledge that he would take her life before the day was through. "Honey, why are you smiling like that?", she
  • asked. He only glazed upon the Twinkie on her head and died

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