Uncle Bernie knew he didn't have the noggin

Uncle Bernie knew he didn't have the noggin for a Noble, but figured he could snag an Ig-Noble prize. He showed chicken plucking could be used to measure tornado winds speeds,

He addressed the room full of scientists and weather men and went on to show proof of his theory. As a large fan blew he ripped feathers from a chicken and tossed them in the air.

The feathers blew about the room, settling on his learned audience. One by one they quietly left as he explained the result. Mortified by his failure & alone with a naked chicken,

our young hero sheepishly leaves the room through a back door, leaving behind a freshly feathered chicken, and any hopes of a future career in education.

This was none other than Harland David Sanders. He would have his revenge. Strike back at the evil club in academia that kept him from the gentile life of a professor. The

Colonel donned his yarmulke and dashed down to the synagogue to pray for vengeance. The only thing he could think of was to serve the academics a non-Kosher bucket o' chicken.

Colonet Sanders gladly complied. The academics loved the chicken, not knowing the chefs used emu oil. Emu oil was similar to olive oil, he explained to the congregation.

"Brothers and sisters, if you've got Salvation, does it matter how you got that Salvation? If your fried chicken done pleased you, why do we worry if it was cooked in Emu or olive

oil?” The congregation nodded in agreement but all started thinking about lunch—specifically fried chicken. One by one they left the church and flooded the local KFC. The minister

watched the last parishioner leave & rubbed his hands gleefully. He'd pocket a huge commission from the Colonel for that. Now, how to fit "Whopper" into his next sermon? Hmm.