It was a sunny day in Alresford City when

It was a sunny day in Alresford City when Joe Griffin decided he would take a long walk in the wood with an axe and a spade

he strode, with the axe and spade to ellie thurmans house, broke down the door and killed her with the axe. he then used the spade to bury the corpse

and then, 10,000 miles away, justin beiber..didnt give a monkeys arse.

he has a tomato head and was with a hideous dog called Barbra. It has eyes like patato chips covered in blue poop, toe nails like a yeti's nose and feet like big foots sausage.

bastieee do you feel greaatttttt (scottisshhhhh voice)

I LIKE LEMONS

I used to like lemons but not since as a leavers prank i got them squirted in my eye...

now lemons are my biggest fear, everytime one comes near me i whip out my water gun and squirt them back.

But that was not valid defense for the charges brought upon me. I was tried and found guilty of lemon murder and sent to prison, where I dropped the lemon flavoured soap.

Lemon-flavored soap is notably bubbly, and citrusy bubbles began floating up into all the inmates' eyes, and it really, really, really, really stung. We were all falling over.