The electric sheep hummed loudly in the corner.

The electric sheep hummed loudly in the corner. This disturbed the dog, evident by his raised lip and yet he did not move, save for an impulsive quiver. There was a loud

, angry rash of bacon stuck to the dogs cheek. That would stop anyone from moving. The rash said "move, and I will shave your furry coat to the highest bidder". The dog

chuckled with pleasure as his leg was sawn off by the maniacal clown. "A masochist dog? Really?" the friendly but murderous clown exclaimed. The audience laughed nervously, what

little nerves they had left. For in this show, the "audience" was actually part of an experiment and had just become aware that this was like Cirque Du Soleil meets Saw III.

The chainsaws were revving in the background. Grilled cheese sandwiches were served. They were made inside out, as were the entire stage setups. Chef Robespierre was credited with

creating the Flying Guillotine Slicer - "twice as swift as a mandoline and 99% less mess." I found Chef Robespierre's sales pitch a little hard to swallow. I mean, what about the

poor out of work mandoline makers? My mammy even sliced pumpkins with gramp's mandoline. I'd miss the wonderful poang poang sound from the kitchen. No, the Flying Guillotine Slicer

was satisfying, but the real hero was the mandoline. I decided to do something about the problem. I trained myself in the ancient art of mandoline making. However, I had a terribl

-e cold and kept sneezing and cutting off the ends of my fingers in the mandoline's blade and staining my work surface. So I went into the blood-red workbench business. This went

better. I was at home, as most the others were also losing fingers by the mm. I quickly became "sexy sawfinger" & was promoted to chief cheese cutter. Damn it the bench is blue!