50

I'd received a coupon for a free checkup

  • I'd received a coupon for a free checkup down at the new clinic so I stopped by. "Any problems?" the Dr. asked. "Nope!" I said. "Well, let's do a full transfusion just to be safe."
  • "A full what?" the doctor was already strapping me to the bed. "You are a very lucky man! You are our first vict- patient! Ha! And to think only a week ago I was a mere
  • apprentice knife smith surgeon & now I will be creating the 1st swiss army knife human hybrid - a Victorinoxoid! Your hands will incorporate a screwdriver, bottleopener, can opener
  • and a toothpick. The Swiss army were so impressed with the new knife they decided not to carry guns anymore. It was unlikely another war would occur in Europe so it saved taxpayers
  • a few euros. Another really cool thing the new knife could do was liposuction. Fat-bottomed German girls lined up outside the Swiss Army headquarters not only to get their adipose
  • juggled but their glands toggled. The bottom-heavy German girls had also gotten into the beer and cheese. The Swiss Army men refused to answer the door. They laid on the ground
  • and played dead, but their lower members did not seem to want to co-operate. They merely stood there, pulsating as if in fear. Sweat was dripping off the top of their heads.
  • Their upper members, on the other hand, were more than co-operative. Overly cooperative. They were asking if there was anything else they could do for them, cup of tea maybe?
  • In reply, they chanted in unison: "Himalaya peaks! Himalayan tea! Himalayan lama fur!". (They were summoning something, that's what aristocrats do, it's an upper class thing.)
  • Those wondering what they were summoning got a terrifying answer when Mount-Freaking-Everest rose from the ground, destroying the city. The surviving aristocrats cheered. THE END
Started
2012-12-12 15:13:18
Finished
2014-11-04 23:14:33

1 Comments

  1. Avatar

    ianfort Nov 04 2014 @ 23:21

    I like how four fifths of the story is technically the doctor just going on a rambling monologue.

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