Whoouh. I pushed back from the delivery Chinese-splattered
- Whoouh. I pushed back from the delivery Chinese-splattered table, grabbed a fortune cookie and limped to the couch, spent. Cracking the cookie, I pushed some shards in my mouth and
- read the fortune: "You will be obducted by aliens and obtain special powers". Not your typical fortune. That night I left the window open, Roswell was having a spell of hot weather
- and I was having a spell of washed-up colloquialisms. The UFO appeared in the sky and I said, "While I'll be a monkey's uncle." When it landed in my yard I
- suddenly turned into a monkey's uncle. My arms were hairy, my legs were hairy, my face was covered with hair. I looked like a testosterone fueled
- Nascar fan only slightly more sophisticated because I was like an advanced simian rather than a devolved human.
- I fashioned myself a connoisseur of degeneration. My opposable thumbs and I could be seen at modern art exhibits, jazz concerts, and WrestleMania. "They're doomed," I said smuggly.
- Unfortunately, the animal kingdom's art extravaganza was not impressed by my smug attitude in regards to having opposable thumbs. They scurried & scampered about Dresdens, Picassos
- and Thomas Kincaid's like they could paint them too. They "thumbed" their little noses and sniffed around so much it was like they were trying to find a rat. Stop
- smelling everything! The wretched old lady seethed. Everyone scattered. Everyone, except John. John liked this artwork, and he wasn't going to stop sniffing until he dog-gone felt
- nose fatigue and even then he would send in a replacement sniffer named Rex to continue the duty. The old lady had lost her sense of smell in a car accident making her suicidal.
- Started
- 2011-07-08 16:04:46
- Finished
- 2013-01-10 21:41:49
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