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I would be ashamed if you could hear my snarky

  • I would be ashamed if you could hear my snarky thoughts. Like the pang of guilt an axemurder feels while axeing a vixen into smooshy eighths, this is how I know I'm a good person.
  • I am a master at maintaining neutral facial expressions. I can sit in a 2-hour meeting, nodding at just the right times, appearing contemplative at others...but I'm really thinking
  • "I can't believe his polyester suite. They should recycle this 80's throwback into traffic cones." Gutman paused his presentation. Did I let a smirk creep across my pokerface?
  • Gutman looked at me. "What's so funny, Little Jimmy?" I'm sure I looked sheepish. "Well, Sir, there's a problem with your face. I don't think your nose belongs on your forehead."
  • Gutman didn't flinch. Tough as pistol grips. He didn't so much as smirk and his head cracked a little, then he nodded and whacked my right in the mouth. Stars exploded as they alwa
  • always do, and I passed out onto the concrete floor. When I came to, I was blindfolded and restrained. "Where am I?!" I remarked, and I heard Gutman's voice as he said,
  • "You're in my secret hideout, where all superheroes go to die." Gutman continued, "Good luck getting free, LarryBoy. You'll need it." The blindfold was removed, and I saw
  • it was a surprise Birthday party! Gutman, my arch-nemesis, brought out a big cake. "LarryBoy, make a wish!" Sure, all the other days of the year we try kill each other, but today
  • he wants me to blow out some candles and make a wish? Okay, Gutman...I wish you'd wake up tomorrow with a crotch rash that just won't stop itching...and, I wish that your wife
  • would finally, finally give me a raise. I have been working for her pillow case company for over 13 years, and she needs to do me a solid..." And that's why I'm unemployed.
Started
2013-08-28 14:59:58
Finished
2015-07-18 01:59:35

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