"When I crowd-sourced my study to count female

  • "When I crowd-sourced my study to count female snail penises I had no idea it would go viral, Beth". "Dr. Smoot, the largest number of snail penises were found in the White House G
  • o Fetch Snail Tournement,after two weeks that's still going on and we're not sure when the little penises will be up for grabs.".Dr.Smoot wasn't counting on that,he had other plans
  • because he had just gotten his little slime bags on some new leaves of the fica variety. Dr. Smoot said, "Not to pour salt on your wounds, but slow it down. The snail tournement
  • sludged around the corner with the salt trailing behind them. Bloob turned into a blob and snog truned into snot. The snails raced as if their life depended on it. And it did. Glob
  • was the fattest snail there ever was, and died of a coronary right there on the race track. "Go around him, fool!" said Jumba Laya, professional baby drowner. They had plenty of
  • work these days. Jumba Laya was new to the baby drowning profession but already he was a true believer. "Jumba Laya is wracking up the numbers to put him on pace with the greats."
  • Jumba Laya knew that he would be caught imminently. It was just a matter of time. Every death was one step closer to the chair or the injection. And hell. Candy-striped hell.
  • So fuck it! Jumba decided to gorge on crawfish pie, and fee-lay gumbo. He'd eat and eat til they
  • Begged him to stop for fear of a rogue shirt button suddenly becoming loose and assassinating the diplomatic leader opposite the table. But more food went down the neck of the fat
  • man than went down his throat. Still enough though to pop a shirt button. Which flew across the table into the eye of the ambassador. It rattled a bit. He slumped over dead. -fin-


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