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Hartwig dried his hair with a towel but didn't

  • Hartwig dried his hair with a towel but didn't comb, put on some holey jeans & platform shoes. He was still a short german with a big American car & a deathwish. He stomped on the
  • gas pedal and headed to his job interview at the County Jailhouse. Little did he know, his childhood enemy, Rodney, was there to show him up. Rodney had coonskin cap and a large
  • belt buckle, shining furiously in the sunlight. "Rodney." I squinted. "Bort." He squinted back. "What're YOU doing here?" "Job interview." My stomach turned. He was my competition?
  • What point was Rodney trying to make with that over-sized belt buckle? Rodney smirked at me and said, "Come on, Bort. What makes you think you're right for the job?"
  • "I believe," I ventured, "that I have the skillsets and in-depth experience you need, going forward." "Maybe, Bort," Rodney replied, "but your belt buckle says all I need to know
  • ." He offered me the job... but not the job I'd been expecting. When I reported for duty, I was told to strip and put on just this dinky little necktie and these tighty-whiteys.
  • "Ah, so that's why I was forced to do all those pull-ups. I thought it was to be strong." "Nope," he winked "just a nice six pack & big arms. Now get out there and make my money!"
  • Business was slow at first, but when he began adding sauerkraut to the Lucky Dogs with his manly arms, women swooned & flocked to his cart. It was hot, so he took off his shirt.
  • Shirtless and with banks of franks sweating on his hot dog cart he felt like a king, a God King. He raised two fists of wieners in exaltation to the sky and shouted, "
  • Behold my mighty fists of wieners, for I am the Tube Steak King! Bunless ye are born, and bunless ye shall die!" Someone called the cops when he began pushing his cart into people.

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