It was the week before Christmas and all

  • It was the week before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring - except the monstrous gooboo lizard from planet Zarg. He opened one of his yellow eyes ...
  • He was in a dark enclosure.The gooboo lizard chewed his way through the box & wrapping paper.Not very nourishing.After his journey from Zarg he was famished.Other boxes had chewy
  • granola bars and trail mix that were packed by a mindless mother. The gooboo lizard had been transported in a "snacks" bag to a swim meet in
  • Boston. When I opened my Power Ranger lunch bag I was surprised to find that Mom actually did GOOD this time. The gooboo lizard was covered in PB&J but the swimmers on the team all
  • laughed at my pitiful lunch. "WE have a strawberry-jam-covered Galapagos turtle," the swimmers sneered. Tears rolled down my face. Would anything be enough for them?
  • Larger amphibians smothered in Nutella? New species drowned in yet unsynthesized breakfast condiments? These questions would trouble me for the next decade. The waves crashed
  • against the rocks below my feet as I pondered, troubled by such thoughts. I boldly adjusted my hypothesis: Global warming is directly related to desire for odd flavor combinations.
  • This of course is the only possible correlation between the increase of floods, hurricanes & tsunamis with the "Name the Flavor" Doritos contest.So when Cheesy Licorice Bacon chips
  • hit the stores, I took to wearing a hard hat at all times. The crazed scientists at Doritos R&D released new flavours irregardless of the impact on our delicate ecosystem. Gaia
  • was shut down bc of all the Dorito-flavor hype. People were running crazed in the streets, fires, looting, the works. Next time, Bobby Flay won't submit his chili pepper idea.


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