It is possible to steal an infant from the

  • It is possible to steal an infant from the hospital, if you do it just right. You do not even need to use a disguise, if you simply
  • speak Icelandic, walk quickly and have someone posing as your husband take pictures as you go. If the little fucker starts crying, take that small vial of chloroform and
  • and suck it down. It makes for a pretty solid experience, especially if you're in Iceland or some other
  • Godforsaken craphole. But the lack of fresh water didn't seem to bother us, because
  • we preferred the taste of our own urine. The only downside was that we were on an all-asparagus diet. The smell was known to choke a donkey. Which is why
  • the Peruvian citizenship test was cancelled. No one wanted us killing the donkeys with the stench of our bodies. Instead, we
  • dance about with ketchup on our faces. The abundance of food here is
  • like the abundance of food at Thanksgiving. Speaking of Thanksgiving, we all realized that we need to figure out whose house we're spending the holiday at this year.
  • There was a trend of going to somewhere we'd never seen before - like Venice or Amsterdam - and painting a parody of a famous painting created by
  • Oprah Winfrey. You know the one I'm talking about. All black velvet and classy, not one of those by-the-numbers deals, either. That said, the trend was set and there was no turning


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