There once lived a gnome. One day he...
- There once lived a gnome. One day he...
- rode a squirrel for fun. But the squirrel bucked the gnome off.
- The gnome leaped to his tiny feet, swung his gossamer lasso and hog-tied the squirrel in 10 seconds flat. Thus, began the fairy rodeo.
- The audience of pixies and sprites on the shelf fungus bleachers applauded. The sound was tintinnabulation and glittering light fell from their hands. The rodeo gnome bowed, and
- took leave of his mortal coil in a shimmering rainbow column that ascended into the sky. TOTAL ENLIGHTENMENT: Right Before Your Eyes! seemed to be as it claimed. Still, I smelled a
- rat and sure enough when I'd ascended to polychrome stairway I arrived in a waiting room where I had to fill out a form. "Have you ever engaged in acts of immortal transcendence?"
- I thought out loud, "Well I mean there was that one time I mistakenly drank some ayahuasca tea a few years ago, but does it count if it was unintentional?"
- "My boy," said Mr. Wonka, "Nothing counts if it's unintentional!" Then he "accidentally" pushed me into the river of chocolate. "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to send you to your
- hellish liposuction." My mom looked horrified. I was horrified. I tried to swim but the chocolate pipe sucked me up into it. I thought I would die. Thought I would pop. Mr. Wonka
- just shook his head, & offered me another OompaLoopma to take home for my pain and suffering. No way, I wanted that Magic Goose. He wouldn't budge on it. So I left, with 14 Oompas.
- Started
- 2012-05-05 16:55:40
- Finished
- 2012-09-05 07:20:47
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