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Land, ho, cried the pirate. But the flying

  • Land, ho, cried the pirate. But the flying prostitute paid no mind. She wanted a way out of her life, and only Richard Gere could provide it. Gere captained the tug, and was
  • spending way too much time reminiscing about the piano scene in Pretty Woman. Encountering a flying hooker folded perfectly into Gere's fantasy. His tug smashed the pirate's ship
  • 's ocean ladder. The somali captain flew out of his cabin. Through his binoculars he saw a white man with salt and pepper hair looking very boring. He called for his high powered
  • assistant to take a look. As he passed the binoculars he wondered, what is that man doing out there all by himself?
  • why were his pants donw? i wonder wht he could be doing... by himself. i yelled
  • "are ther any Doritos?" Thus confused, I was able to subdue the pants and ask for his mercy. That's when he did something unexpected.
  • He went into the garden pulled down his pants and yelled "i am the master of the universe and its creations and its inhabitants" I responded...
  • "Yes, sure. Come here and show me your creation!". As soon as he happily aproached me, I hit him with a shovel, sublty hidden behing my big figure. He then started
  • to bleed from his nose, falling to the ground theatrically, as artists tend to do, even the odd ones like him. Congratulating myself on my subtlety, I turned to leave. But suddenly
  • a critic came into our fold. "I have seen this all before, how very cliche." he drolled as he tapped on his blackberry. With a piledriver, I conveyed my opinion.

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