My estranged brother showed up at my doorstep

  • My estranged brother showed up at my doorstep with a small urn he claimed was our father and an ill-thought out plan to bury him 'at sea'. "Have you forgotten" I asked, "Why we
  • don't talk is because you're an idiot." My brother elbowed past me into the kitchen & made himself a bacon sandwich. "I'm going to parachute off Beachy Head & scatter dad's ashes
  • over the unsuspecting tourists' heads! Before he died, Dad made me promise to scatter his ashes in the sea, but this will be so much more fun." My brother could be such an asshat!
  • Word spread and my brother became the go-to guy for ash-scattering, due to his unique and economical methods. When Miss Wooten hired him to dispose of her cat's ashes, my brother
  • tried smoking them first, but he didn't get high. Figuring the cat's ashes would be good fertilizer, he took them out to his marijuana patch in the woods and scattered them there.
  • The makeshift fertilizer worked far better than he bargained for. The entire woods began sprouting marijuana, & anyone wandering inside became a junkie, including whole DEA teams.
  • Finally the entire planet was engulfed in high-grade marijuana and as a result people stopped killing each other. Even the war generals were too busy laughing at a fallen Oreo
  • And seeing Flappy and Flippy, robot brothers working at Burger Chef, make their Big Whooper. They ordered mushrooms and Flippy fearlessly make it without burning his fingers. "Wow!
  • Flippy where did you get fingers for your phalanges?" Thinking himself alone in the scullery, Flippy was flummoxed by Fanny's flowing tongue piping up from behind him with his hand
  • resting lightly on the other's shoulder.


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