I've been trapped on this planet for my entire

I've been trapped on this planet for my entire life, without any hope of escaping and returning home, so there's no point in crying; it's time to acquiesce and to get a job.

I talk to aliens this is my job.

" said Jim, oddly to himself, with a twinge of disbelief in his eyes. Two days ago he hadn't the foggiest that aliens even EXISTED, and now he was the official alien hotline voice.

Jim cleared his voice and continued, "If you are trying to reach the alien leader, please press 1. If you want to find out where an abducted relative was taken, press 2. If you

would like to volunteer as a human sacrifice to the Alien god, please press 3. For helpful tips on maintaining your space craft during the winter months, please press 4. For all

manner of painful and embarrassing probes, press 5. For concise instructions on how to broadcast even through tin-foil hats, press 6. To identify your current UFO, please press 7.

To destroy your current planet, press 8. To contact our 24/7 customer helpline please press 9. *Boop* You have selected, 7. Identifying UFO right now... *ping* This UFO belongs to

PlanetKillerXX. Your request has been sent. You will recieve a

GO or KILL code as conditions warrant per outside verification authority. Time of receipt establishes start of 24 hour wait period. Without code carry out last orders, PlanetKiller

Followed his own gut instincts and rigged a new code. This was his protection. As it turns out, no onecat folding stories was able to decipher the message. Planetkiller vanished.