The piles of papers resembled the drifts
- The piles of papers resembled the drifts of snow that blocked the view outside his tiny basement office. It was *so* cold. He lit the match
- to cover the smell a bacon and maple syrup fart
- would produce if it were heavy on the bacon, and the syrup was from Canada, probably one of the Northwest Provinces. I sniffed again, to be sure, and
- took a too-large swig of the syrup, coughing and knocking the whole shebang onto the floor. The judges gasped in horror. Surely they would not let this transgression pass. Canadian
- Mounties came into the courtroom after Mr. Justice made a phonecall, and dragged him down the center aisle with two lassos.
- Earlier that week, he'd been on a strict kosher dill pickle and cabbage diet. He regretted this fact now that he was in court, facing a menacing judge and fighting to control his
- cravings for animal flesh. The judge's temperament and beard reminded him of the American bison, mighty and delicious. Beside him, his dumpy lawyer, with his slow eyes and ways,
- reminded him more of a sedated rabbit. He knew which way the judge was going to rule from the start - the animal rights people had been protesting outside from the very start - but
- he knew the judge failed to realize that they were actually terrorists waiting for the gavel to fall before blowing the entire block sky high. I acted fast and proceeded to
- put my hand between the hammer and the lectern. It hurt like the dickens and I think I sprained my thumb. Fortunately, I had workman's comp & health insurance. The terrorists? Uh..
- Started
- 2011-02-21 15:40:45
- Finished
- 2011-05-01 22:28:54
1 Comments
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SlimWhitman May 02 2011 @ 05:03
A dumb judge, but still better than the one who used his penis pump during trials...