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Newt Gengrich laid in the dark in his Radisson

  • Newt Gengrich laid in the dark in his Radisson hotel room. He'd asked for "non-smoking" but it reeked of Virginia Slims. He reached under his double chin and pulled out
  • a letter from some teenager to him. "Dear Mr. Gengrich. I thought you were dead. Especially since your ghost possesses my toaster. You bite the toast and say, 'Nayyyy'. Why?"
  • Newt wrote "Dear fellow American, Under my leadership, we passed the Bill "No Appliance left Behind". Your toaster's chip has been upgraded by Microsoft with Gingrich 2.0. 'Nayyy'
  • said my toaster. 'Hah, thou Newt!' I couldn't do the Tesla/Higgs-field thing, but my toaster could, and we all had armies of insects with radio parts cooling on cookie sheets, all
  • ready to go. The appliances all sprung to life and began to march down the street as an ominous chant slowly increased in volume. Newton never would have predicted
  • toasters and blenders, linked in throwing off the chains of their bondage. Sadly, the march was limited to the length of their extension cords. Whirring menacingly, the tried to
  • vent their rage futilely against their fleshy overlords, but at most only managed to frighten a cat or two and really toast a couple of English muffins thoroughly. Of course, this
  • is a vastly under-appreciated life skill as I don't need to go into what a waste of nooks and crannies it is to serve a limp, poorly cooked English muffin. The fleshy overlords
  • considered this argument and then nodded in agreement. "Our decision is final," said the fleshy overlords. "The muffin man is fired and you, Thomas, will oversee the English muffin
  • being replaced by crumpets. Crumpets are obviously a divine and holy. Thus, we shall pray to have crumpets for breakfast everyday that are toasted and buttered. Amen.
Started
2012-01-03 11:17:59
Finished
2013-02-15 20:08:03

1 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Chaz Feb 18 2013 @ 01:02

    ...mmmmm....(crumpets)

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