26

"Of course, I also want total immunity and

  • "Of course, I also want total immunity and 10 million deposited in my bank account in the Seychelles. Oh, and that painting in your lounge would fit beautifully in my toilet"
  • He looked confused and asked, "Why would you want to put an expensive painting in your toilet?Sure, it's small enough so you could put the seat down and *maybe* close the lid, but
  • that wouldn't come close to removing the hard water stains that ring the bowl. Expensive Art is terrible at cleaning toilets. What you need is the new Bowl Muncher!
  • "Watch this folks and be amazed." He proceeded to pour a box of Cap'n Crunch and a carton of milk into the bowl. Then he ate it, scraped the sides, and flushed. The bowl sparkled
  • and he knew he'd been tricked. Vampire flavor crystals! In his Cap'n Crunch! He didn't want to be a twinkling pansy with huge fucking caterpillar eyebrows. But suicide isn't easy
  • when you sparkle. You just can't help but find yourself too pretty to die. Trying to get someone else to kill you won't work either, unless they're deathly afraid of
  • the bedazzler machine. You know the rhinestone machine, that can make your old clothes look fabulous and sparkly? I know what I needed to do, after eating all of the lemon pies, I
  • took every piece of yellow clothing I had to the bedazzler. Maybe my outfit would help me win the pie eating contest. Could I convince the judges that
  • I was the James Brown of Pie Eating? The Judges have to acknowledge my sparkly cape of awesomeness because
  • my flamboyance was irresistible. But I could only down 6 pies in 3 minutes & lost to Anthony "The Anaconda" Danson who ate 7. I still say I tied because I ate humble pie that day.
Started
2012-09-09 15:06:20
Finished
2012-09-20 17:07:31

3 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Zetawilk Sep 20 2012 @ 17:42

    I knew I should've gone with the flesh-eating maggots instead.
  2. Avatar

    49erFaithful Sep 21 2012 @ 11:56

    Humble pie is quite filling. Doesn't taste great, but it sticks with you.
  3. Avatar

    Zetawilk Sep 21 2012 @ 16:57

    Thought it passes through a person like prune juice, so be careful of slipping.

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