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My life as an on-call phone-answerer for

  • My life as an on-call phone-answerer for rickets telethons wasn't all glitz and glamour.

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  • There were times where rings wrought fear in my heart. "Erro?" Shit. Spoken slang stung like fangs in my ear. "Urr, ahd lak ter don-ate ter dem poor chillen wi' rickers."

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  • And then I had enough. All my life frilly Canadian women had poorly impersonated Oliver Twist and I held aloft my trusty sword and said, "By the power of Greyskull, I have the

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  • power!". It's a good thing I had the steroids too, if I'd tried what I did when I was flabby it would have gone quite differently. Her decapitation was the most satisfying thing

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  • I experienced in my whole life. I took intense pleasure from feeling the warm blood that fountained out of her neck shower down upon me like a bloody rainstorm. Then my critical mi

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  • ttens, the mittens that had kept me warm throughout my childhood, were soaked in her blood. It felt like a page of my childhood has turned - and it showed in my mittens. The body

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  • lay there in the white snow, which turned as red as strawberries in the summertime. I started whistling Fleet Foxes, which was suddenly stuck in my head, when I heard a click from

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  • behind me. It was Norris, in all his splendor! "You better stop whistling that indie-pop-rock shit boy or I'll hurt you like wedgie with piranhas in your shorts." My eyes widened

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  • Chuck Norris gave him an evil glare. He channeled his energy and gave Barney a round house kick from hell! Barney struggled

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  • but meat wad came to his aid and

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