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Wrestle Mania was blaring from the Taverns

  • Wrestle Mania was blaring from the Taverns flat screen at full volume. Stale beer and tobacco odors cloyingly hung in the air. A breeze from the front door lifted the tutu's of
  • Sarah Palin and Bristol Palin. This was there hickville Cotillion. The hall was decked out with taxidermied javalena, bass and badgers. Instead of
  • regular utensils, there were sporks and Gerber Freeman fixed blades. The cotillion appetizers were Slim Jims, pork rinds and Tater Tots, with all the Cheez Whiz you could spray
  • with both hands. I grumbled along with the other guests but in reality I was in hog heaven. I was just polishing off my second pork rind - Cheez Whiz sandwich when an old
  • smobile driven by David Oreck crashed through the wall. He approached me with an Oreck XL vacuum cleaner and said, "I hear you've been making a mess." I noticed the pork crumbs and
  • globules of lard on David Oreck's person. He pointed his vacuum at me. I was still in my E-Z chair with a wineglass full of grapejuice. I leapt to my feet and dodged sideways,
  • then produced a BB gun. "Dodge this, sucker!" I managed to fire one pellet before I realized the terrible pun I'd just uttered. "Ha! Sucker! Get it??" But David Oreck just
  • said,"No," picking at his navel. David Oreck had a shocking amount navel debris. He invented a mini vacuum, but he put it in his belly button and untied it and his legs fell off.
  • With no legs David Oreck became concerned he would become a suspect in a South African murder. He needed to grow new legs and fast! David Oreck researched stem cell technology
  • but soon realized that everything we think is real exists in a vacuum. He sucked himself inside and at last was at peace. From dust we all came and to dust we shall return.

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