0 Folds
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2
which had Harry's beardless, bespectacled face printed on it, Dumbledore shot his twinkling wizard goo all over the boy's cunt-shaped scar. -
9
But Jermaine was not germane to the Germans; in fact, she was a geriatric gerontophobe from Jerusalem, wearing a jersey made of gerbil jerky. -
1
Unfortunately, the wind failed to mention the people who could insert their hands in their ears, and the fact that those in the room were those people, strewing mangled grey matter -
1
pneumatic tomahawk, with boomerang and bull-roarer functions. Its only failing was its odour, a cross between a mudshark's dentures and Lewinsky's panties, which -
0
He would think: 'I am nothing but the most brilliantly modest mutha-fucka on the planet.' Or at least that's what your cunt told me, while I was pulling it inside out. -
3
like the hell I am to all women which stems from my insecurity at my diminutive male member. I fucked a virgin once, she didn't even blink, so I use my hands on their faces instead -
1
I had forgotten that I was in the land of lakes, in fact I was drowning in a lake of my own faeces. 'Goddamn, y'all know I can't come without my banjo!' I screamed to Charlene, who -
1
was what I baptised him, ramming the point home with powerful thrusts of my bratwurst in his schtinkenhole. He moaned in reciprocation, mayonnaise dripping from his pink brains -
1
But then, my mother was a gorilla... I was adopted, you see... then I was press-ganged into the gorilla guerrillas, paratroop regiment... I remember the Somme, like a rash... -
0
But it was not to be. Why, oh why, had I been born a girl? My testicle shrank into the blender of oblivion and my anus gulped emphatically. 'Abracadabra' was not an adequate phrase -
0
'Marzipan,' began Einstein (the first word he had spoken since being exhumed) 'has three tubers more than the average cannibal. Are you writing this down, you scum? Berty...' -
1
veins like the spectre of Ronald Reagan's inaugural semen. 'What was his name?' I wondered. Then, I remembered: 'Ronald Reagan'. But who was he? A goat headed -
3
That was because I hadn't left where I started from yet, obviously - so I was still there, and then I realised that I was still there, and then I left. Got it?