1 Folds
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5
on any man once the police got involved, if it could get him a good plea bargain. His head throbbing, he picked up his phone and called -
3
went on a quest to find the love of his life, eventually settling down with a morbidly obese African lady and together they produced an entire platoon of little Cuddles.
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4
into the side of his head, knocking my agent cold. Using my other mind powers, I levitated the toast back to my hand. Stepping over his unconscious body, I picked up the phone
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5
drew their sidearms. They fired indiscriminately, trying to take out the fleeing criminal. Unfortunately the bad lighting meant lots of musician casualties. He hit the exit and
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1
door open when there was nothing else to put in front of it. All of these books were starting to pile up. The office looked like an episode of Hoarders. Eventually,
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3
I decided I was going to be the new president. I kicked open my office door, ran down the hallway and told the first coworker that I ran into
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1
he could sing her that catchy "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" song. Maybe then she would notice him. If it weren't for those damn chastity vows he
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5
a message in Morse Code. Awkward silence filled the toilet stall. His friend clearly did not know Morse. He moved his head down to the glory hole and peered into it. He saw
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3
blunts. High off my ass, I fired up the Saab and meandered into traffic. The Scarecrows were waiting. They lit into the Saab with their glocks and thats how I got these scars.
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6
all their immigrant workers. Nationalistic pride was running high in Hungary and they wanted those foreigners out. The sad line of newly unemployed marched from the fortress
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1
his pants. If the public knew his dark secret, he could never be elected mayor. Every night he locked all the doors and closed the windows. Until one night when
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1
testing World of Warcraft." he replied. "My life was a sad series of waking up, playing wow, and eating frozen pizza until I was so fat that
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4
could be heard over the sick beats coming from the lounge. The other astronauts were all ready to make some mistakes. Lisa and John eyed each other under the flashing red
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2
preferred to clean their floors with a bleach solution. None of us realized that when bleach and ammonia mix, it forms Chlorine Gas. Everyone began choking. I thought
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5
I instead decided that remedial English classes would be a better idea. Abandoning my quest for tomatoes, I went to the local elementary school, where I ran into
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armed with naught but a squirt gun. He moved quickly from crater to crater, explosions bracketing him as he moved. Holding his rainbow wig, he dove behind some rubble when
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0
the man in the cheap suit. I"I'll give you CASH for your GOLD!" She looked suspiciously at the pawn broker, but moved her ass on. She no sooner passed the storefront when
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3
Everything was going swimmingly until Shaniqua saw Billie Jo looking at her man, Lepoleon. The ghetto erupted. Cowboy hats and do-rags, wigs and weaves went flying. Horses were
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0
my coworkers wanted to use it too. I hesitated but thought "Sure, why not" the more the merrier, right? We all used it merrily until
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2
"We Didnt Start the Fire" was blasting from the jukebox. Tim was a history major. Momentarily forgetting about the bodies falling outside, he looked at the men in the gay bar and