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self, you multi holiday celebrating consolidator! I don't sit on Saint Nick's lap with a Jack O Lantern expecting candy with a turkey in the over!" He shook his head, "Your son is -
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would usually be the one to tie his shoelaces. We were a rowdy bunch, drinking until 7am every day and missing work every other day. Yet we stuck together, sometimes literally. For
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in the latrine next to the "throne". Yes, he thought, this is the perfectly ironic spot for Lars' self congratulatory photograph. He could make good on his promise to Lars but keep
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to the heavens. Karma lifted the manmade woman and the woman-made child in her arms as she spoke, boldly and brazenly, as if she feared not Buddha himself's wrath. And then she
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an upchuck inducing predicament. Thankfully, he hadn't the bowels to produce upchuck. Most of the flesh he'd torn with his teeth ended falling out the open wound in his stomach. He
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the husband would invent new ways to gain attention from passing townsfolk. For example, he would tattoo new flower types and bouquets on his wife's nude body and make her stand by
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of the original gangsta. "If Biggy gets this gig instead of me, I'm gonna mess that salami faced white fool's ass up in the underworld," Tupac thought to himself as drifted out the
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I scooted down the road in my "mobile home", what my friend Sam called "a wheeltoilet", in search of the Queen's dog's right lower back thigh hair. My second quest would be even
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full of the usual riffraff. Grace, who was wrongly named, would routinely steal cupcakes from the bake sale outside, right in front of Father Essex. I'd often wheel up to her and s
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the last of the cucumbers had been removed from his torso. "You can't scoop long vegetables with a ladle and expect to survive." The coroner then pushed his corpse into
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Due to factory accident last year, Hamish was the first to be given bubble wrap popping privilege security, yet many thought it was wasted on him, since he could only pop with one
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Novosibirsk for Saint Petersberg. The bag of spuds was an early surprise, one of many to come, on their five day wild and woolly motorcycle trek across Northwestern Asia. Leading
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shrieked, "Edna!" which was the name of his mother, or rather his caretaker, who was 15 years his senior assumed the roles of both wife and parent in his late mum's wake. Edna
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Zheng He, a famous nautical captain of the Ming Dynasty, who would later be accredited with discovering America before Columbus. Jack Sparrow smashed the jar, potato and all, over
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on it as soon as possible, fretting its staleness would steal more joy from the moment of failure realization. Rationalization followed, as I thoughtfully chewed the burnt piece of
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that had brought him so much pain before. This word was so vile that it might cause sudden vomiting, yet he simply must describe his feelings. Otherwise, he may not convey
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and I did the transcribing. At the time I did so with my mouth, but with these robotic limb implants installed circa July 2055, I now can gesture like any man. But often my thumbs
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When the youthful bats would roost under Paula's rafters, she would often watch them yawn and stretch, marveling at their vampire teeth. But hers were no sharper than a
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from above the rim of her her teacup. She had just been stooping, fishing for her keys in her Gucci purse, which she had careless laid on the grimy floor. Big Bob caught
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the moon to the delight of the star enthusiasts. Who knew that astronomers were fans of meta comedy? Other than this, he would occasionally go to