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of your world." "Oh, yeah fuck no, we can't do that do you know how irrelevant Sarah Palin is? Jesus." Anyways, that's the story of how the aliens ditched this planet cuz of P-Dawg -
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That I would never get to meet Nicholas Cage. That dashing, honorable, beast of a man.
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would wind up being stuck with Designated Driver again, and have to spend nearly fifty bucks getting everyone home. Again. Then again, I could always leave these idiots to stumble
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He put a pipe to his mouth. "Well, no my good sir, not since... the accident." "W-what accident?" "When the fucking Titanic hit a fucking iceberg jesus you're so fucking insensitiv
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In a matter of days, scientists had surrounded this Satanic Cow, hemming and hawwing about their results. How could this magnificent beast, this manly, musky hero of a cow, produce
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The poor monk. His contribution will be duly noted and his family should probably be informed. Can someone call them? Oh, he had no family? Oh. Okay. That's cool, I guess.
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"Bernard," I sighed to my fish, "You know Johnny Bennett, from third period History? Light of my life? Today he was talking to that fucking girl Cindy Anawog, and it's like, I thou
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red off into the night, the wind blowing back my soot-covered trench coat. This mission had been a success. Although Fraiser would probably say it had been a failure. But fuck that
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knife from atop the counter and prepared to defend herself. She had no idea who this man was and what he was going to do, and she was terrified. She stationed herself in front of h
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The judge for the audition leaned back in his chair, smoking a large cigarette. I was pretty sure he wasn't allowed to be doing that, but, like, whatever. He smiled and said
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going to turn out badly. Heron hadn't been spotted yet, and she didn't know what was going to happen when she was. The only thing she would be able to do was run, but before she co
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The day that I lost the most important person in my life. I had gotten up, gotten dressed, and walked to work with Eshemel as I usually did. But when we arrived, something strange
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Melody whipped on a pair of sunglasses. "I guess you can say we're... toast" yyeeaaAAAHHHHH *cue awesome guitar solo*
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You continued to lay on the hospital bed, apparently paralyzed, glaring at the nurse. "Can you please not be such a bitch all the time ktnxbai." God, you were so annoyed rn. Who di
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wife said. She had always been worried about Adam's shifting personalities, but the last one was always the worst for her. That one barely recognized her, and she was always left t
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Their relationship had always been strange to the citizens of Lochmeadow. Society had treated them unfairly, and their florist business was suffering because of it. To make it work
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"None of you are real," Laura muttered, her face turned downwards to stare at the dusty old artifact. It glowed softly, and she turned around to look back at the people standing