"The end is nigh!" shouted a elderly lady with a compromising sandwich board plastered to her ample bosom. Some people shot her worried looks, wondering if she had escaped from

We are going to bombard the camp. Camp Candy cannot be allowed to survive on Vulcan because

"What Ug thinking? Sabertooth too much! Me no wanna see Cave painting museum anyhow." "Zorg gonna miss special exhibit on Fertility Goddess then - too bad." Zorgs monobrow furrowed

When they were younger they were stoners, but now it's crystal meth. They are perfect for eachother. He has a huge supply of razors, and she is covered in cuts. They both look

I'd been hitchiking for days, but I couldn't stop 'til I got there. My thumb was cramped, but I kept it extended until finally a truck stopped. "Won't you take me to Funkytown?"

"I drink Champagne like you drink water" boasted Belvedere. "Who are these people?" he quizzed. "They are your fans Sir" said Marchant. "They're unwashed, they disgust me"

The apocalypse of 2012 had gotten off to a slow start, but once it was underway it was a great time from beginning to end. This was definitely the apocalypse with the most alcohol.

Grasping her dorsal fin tighter, I spurred my dolphin on, leaned ahead, victory within my grasp. There was the finish line, and beyond it, Talula waited, my sweet Talula, who

One day in class I was so bored I started eating.

Today we are entering in the third round of the SIAC basketball tournament. I will not be playing due to my neck injury last week. I have been starting since the

I tried to smile through my tears. Predictably, Harry misinterpreted my crying as tears of joy. His expectations of me this Valentine's Day were just too high. I wanted out.

"What kind of fruit is this", the tourist cautiously poked the peculiar looking spiky pod like fruit. "Durian my friend, you try, you like! Only 30 Baht". He handed over the money,

I'm fond of crushing snakes, but I always hated when they bit my ankle in self-defense. That's why I hike in snakeskin boots. Snakes won't bite a fallen comrade, they're honorable

When he reached for the last fry he heard a voice, "Please don't eat me." He looked in the bag. The last french fry was weeping and looked at him with such sorrowful eyes.

Why is it always everyone else going out for awesome bike rides, swimming in the moonlit ocean, having mind blowing sex on drugs I've never even heard of, and here I am, on my

If you like dumb, pointless stories, then this one's just for you.

I'm anti matter.

"I am the Light and the Life" said the chipmunk.

Last week on "Sparky Pickles" ... :

If the sight of clowns doesn't fill you with fear, and the creepy crawly spiders are pleasant when near, then you find medals in horror very ho-hum; every horror film just needs