I didn't know how to contact you, you hid yourself well. But what did I, just some girl, have to say? That I only fell in love with your buddy icon? It was a silly thing to do,

If I had to hear one more fart joke from the backseat, I thought I might abandon the car. Not that I didn't find them funny, but it'd been going on for a solid 40 minutes, and now

(excrpted from nutmegaman) "Hee hee." "Are we done giggling?" asked Sister Christian, "Because you all make me sick

Under about 348 stacks of rice paper was one key. Little did Gabby know that it was blue, when the Aqua-Marine key that she had been told was in this location was miles away.

"We need to get them when they're young!" said the editor-in-chief as he slammed down his coffee. "Newspapers need to be written for toddlers. More stories on duckies!" As an ace,

He had made a Land Rover out of Crack, and had decided to drive across the country in it and

We decided to head to Ibiza and eat some pizza, but then I got distracted by the combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell which changed my mind and made me begin to crave a Doritios

After contracting alien hand syndrome I thought it'd be great for giving myself "the stranger". But then one day something happened that was not a no worries situation.

It is as they say: "Nice parrots finish last." TomCat had Squawkers pinned the the floor & went in for the kill. "BUT a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush," Squawkers jerked

As a lil' corporate shill, I dreamed up ways to slip pro-Doritos messages into my oral report on "Lazy B". I tried, "Sandra grew up on a Cool Ranch," but Susie sniffed it out and

I ran so fast that my clown nose flew off. "That elephant's hankering for some carny asada. To the getaway cannon!" Uh-oh. Someone stuck a cork in it. "Blasted cork!" My next plan

"Ok son, there's a couple things we need to talk about. First, there's the majora, then don't forget the minora. Also, the party's not over until everyone gets their cookies. Quest

Hello Mary what are you doing today.

She was always a nice young lady but on her 18th birthday she blossomed into a beautiful object. I evaluated her likely sexual gratification/bedding effort ratio and concluded

I had nothing left to live for. But I wasnt going to kill myself. Mainly because I hated the thought that I might get stuck in some sort of purgatory or limbo for eternity. Instead

Aslan's claws tore through the underbrush like Valyrian steel through Orc flesh. He had to reach King's Landing before the White Witch sacrificed Gandalf to the Drowned God.

I woke up in a cold sweat — I'd been dreaming again. I dream every time that I sleep on my back. Always the same dream, I'm curled up in an ice cream cone, a tongue getting closer.

"Hey you guys, look at this bagel I toasted. See a familiar face?" "...Is that..." "Mel Gibson? You bet it is. Now, should we build a Mel Gibson Bagel Museum, or just eat it?"

You're the one who wanted the new hybrid technology; so we got a chicken-powered refrigerator!

Who watches the Watchmen? The Arcturians, the Orionex and the 11th Ephemerid, that's who. Well, and China. Our cosmic friendlies kept watchful eyes on Earth's spylords and waited