She was in love with grammar, he was a passionate entomologist. Their children, Ellipsis, Oxford Comma and little Rhagodessa, were often left to their own devices as their parents

Benedict Cumberbatch slithered seductively across the cold marble floor, I stared, fascinated yet slightly revolted, as Maggie Smith, in character as the Dowager Countess and nude

He had the faintest recollection of having a truly outstanding idea. On his hand was written "asparagus goal priceless". Asparagus goal priceless? What in the hell did that mean?

Inside the porcelain palace the toilet whisperer was able to coax a change in the

They all cheat at cards and the checkers are lost. My cellmate's a killer and they make me do push-ups in drag, but nobody cares if you're losing yourself.

Turn away, If you could get me a drink of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded. Call my aunt Marie, help her gather all my things and bury me in all my favorite colors, my

When I awoke, it was pitch dark and I could barely hear the sound of two male voices--but not loud enough to hear what they were saying.

Its been over 20 years since, I stuck the stick in that wonderful pink powder, but even now as I get ready to dip it for the first time I can feel my mouth puckering in

The stars twinkled brightly and the waves crashed hard as I

I carefully carried the moonbeams home in my bra. After a night out swinging on a star I found the moonbeam in a jar. I considered feeding the moonbeams to my fish but

"WHY?!" he screamed. as his mom rushed in, to find her son having a nervous breakdown on the floor. "What's wrong, honey?!" He replied: I read Cupcakes! Again! Why Pinkie Pie, why"

Why does my hair smell like vomit?

Would you rather for 10 minutes have to hang onto the top of a car going 100 mph OR try to stay on top of a hot-air balloon in the sky?

Squawkers, everyone's favorite parakeet, hit a dark time in his life when puberty hit. His voice was changing & people would make fun, calling him squeakers. He needed to prove his

This was the worst downpour in decades, yet the gale and thunder could not silence the creaking sound of the rope tucking Spencer's throat. The gang leader had finally been hanged.

The miserable British rain ambled down my window pane without enthusiasm. As I looked out onto the street, an ambulance whizzed past, shrieking at the top of it's voice. "Damn,

Tired of boyfriends who don't understand your needs? Husbands who sit on the sofa & drink beer? Meet Adam, off-the-shelf Individuality. Just download your desired partners personal

"Hold me closer, Tiny Dancer," Elton said softly, slowly. But TD pirouetted away and giggled. "First, count the headlights on the highway!" she said teasingly. Infuriated,

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"Is she dead mommy?" the cat was laying on the floor lifeless. But how can you tell a three year old that her cat she had for two days died. She poked the cat and asked again