Johnny 5000 was a kleptomatic man-bot with little on his mind but picking pockets and stealing ladies' hearts. Stepping into the

Raindrops tapped against the windshield as Paul sat in the driver's seat, lost in thought. Why had the Priestess asked him to lead the ritual? He was a new initiate. He hoped

Pssst, hey. Yeah. Yeah, you. You wanna get loco? Try this: shave the inside of 2 bananas and dry it for 3 days. Then get some bufotoxin from a psychoactive toad's back warts and

He was stuck like a truck in the muck, perhaps he would free with a fart? The fart came and it went, but no he was not sent, the toot just had no heart. Now we must

"Hammer, let's try this again, hammer." said Bobby Skids into the phone. "Hammer, if I don't say hammer at the beginning and end of every sentence, I die hammer." We continued the

He let go of the shark's fin, which an instant later exploded. Shoved upward by the shockwave, he was intercepted by a passing outboard motor, snarling his scuba gear. It sputtered

It didn't seem important at the time. All she said was, "Nana, you have a big butt." That should have been the end of it, but then the nightmare began.

He let the meter expire. The meter maid came, and as she wrote a ticket he through the skill saw blade and hit her in the neck. A man walking a dog saw the whole thing and

It wasn't a dark and stormy night. Not at all. In fact it was a clear, warm beautiful day with just a hint of sunlight that filtered through the stained-glass windows. Or at least

The masked men stormed in, yelling, "This is a stick-up!" But the tellers of Tightwad Bank had been trained to fight back. They jumped over their desks and

Once upon a time, a teacher....

There was a time in my life when my feet were webbed.

The words had come out of her mouth in pitch-perfect bitchery. A frost settled across the breakfast table. He smiled, and closed his lap top. He picked up the scrambled

To get me back, Ole Scratch sent me a plague of chickens, who stealthily laid their eggs of evil within my home. Nothing to do but continue the grim egg hunt. If one ever hatched

When people heard he carried a defibrillator, they instantly thought heart problems, but his heart was fine. It was his brain. He looked at it. Too bad Ceasar didn't have one.

Her lips were as cold as her hands. He leaned close and caressed her blonde hair. It was streaked with dirt now. He wanted to cry, but no tears came. He was so sore from digging.

"My pancreas?" I let out a sigh. "I don't even know what the hell it is or what it does." The doctor walked over. Instead of comforting me he looked me right in the eyes and

Jacques Harigato lowered himself silently into the vault. His shoulder hairs detected no untoward vibrations, no wayward vibrations, but also no good vibrations. His back hair

Johnny B. had ridden over 2000 horses in his life, but this one was different. He could tell from the moment he got into the saddle. The horse was clearly overweight, but something

There I was. The waves had washed me ashore on this, apparently, deserted island. The storm had sunk the boat I was traveling on with my school friends. It was supposed to be the