The gay man looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I'm so happy."

"This trumpet is haunted, did you know that?" Percy shoved the instrument in my face. It was tarnish and dull and smelled faintly of cigarette smoke. Percy was a fucking liar.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the first day of school! I was ready to return. This was, afterall, my senior year and I was looking forward to

"Sir, we've deciphered the aliens message!" The communications officer came barreling into the boardroom as all the leading generals leaned forward in anticipation. "It says

As the professor walks in, he announces,"Good news everyone, I saw a asteroid heading directly for Earth and we all are going to die." Fry says franticly," Wait, I am only human

Who would like to get naked and jump in a hot tub filled with pepto bismal and shave my buttox

I was in my room when i saw a spider and it bit me. I turned into spiderwoman and got green goblin and then i was on my way home when another spiderwoman came up and it was on, so

wrecked into millions of peices. The police came and I had no idea what to tell him, he kept on asking me what had happend and I told him that I

I was sitting on my couch watching tv when someone rang my doordell. so i got up walked to the door and unlocked it then opened it and who i saw suprised me so much that i shouted

in the coldest of nights, homer simpson drags his trash bag to the garbage and suddenly

today is a beautiful day!!!

I wonder how many fingernails sit undigested in my stomach from all the times I absently gnawed them from my fingers? I'm certainly adding to the collection right now...Waiting for

There was just nothing in the world better than a pair of orange tap shoes. Unless it was neon-green toenail polish. Either way, he was pretty sure

DO YOU LIKE WAFFLES?!?!?!

There are many monsters that wander this world of ours. The most common is the Troll. The Troll is a strange speciman. It acts for strange reasons. One time during an experiment it

Before I turned 30 I had one last thing to do. When I turned onto Cottage Lane, the last person I expected to see was

I had to pee so bad. There were people everywhere. It was a serious emergency and I had to come up with a plan. So I

"A little shorter on the left. Maybe make it more even. Yeah, like that. Yes, I like that." Pause. "Now step away from

It was 7:30 in the AM and 10 below, but there we were standing on top of the mountain in our

How's that go? Ass in the sand, beer in my hand? Shoot, all's I'm sayin' is all I got is