One day there was a girl named Bernice who was walking down the street. She was walking her dog who had a cone on his head. He had a cone on his head because he had recently been

Why oh why had Daniel sent the form in. It was a disaster waiting to happen, he knew. As soon as the envelope fell into the post box he felt

The Wondra Women were a club of Iowa's best gravy makers. One day they turned on Hattie, who had committed a lumpy transgression. "Be more careful, bitch, Argo!" Hattie sobbed and

The day the roses turned black was the day that everything changed for us. We had only just recovered from

I looked in the mirror and I couldn't see myself.Actually,what I could see was this shadow wich was shaped like me but was kind of smokey and blurry,so I ran

Walking into the back of the restaurant, a waiter bumped him aside and apologized profusely. They'd turned down the lights since he'd left and were still a little blind. His knife

He slid the chair aside and she looked up from the menu. Her eyes flashed something he couldn't catch and she handed him a menu with a smile. "Are you aware that you're 37 seconds

“Base to Captain Gromit, Base to Captain Gromit. Come in Captain Gromit.” “Captain Gromit. Come in Captain Gromit. Where are you?” “Captain Gromit. This is an urgent message!"

"WHY GOD WHY?" Little Jerry whailed as the realization set in. He was wrong. Dead wrong. There IS reincarnation and he is now a burka wearing lesbian married to a

Alan was on a nervous high before his first (blind) date since the divorce. But the person looking expectantly his way appeared to be wearing a pair of crotchless tights as a shirt

The highschool reunion was his final opportunity to reject Carmen. He wanted her to be attracted to him and then diss her in front of everyone. The only problem was he was fat and

I have the most unbelievable rash.

A glistening drop of dew hung onto the edge of the fairy's just opened hollyhock flower and she stretched and picked her sharp little teeth. It looked like a good day to

It started off innocently enough, as most of these situations do. I was in the cereal aisle, looking for the Kellogg's Corn Flakes, when I saw her approaching the Pop-Tarts.

It had been a long, tiring day. Unfortunately I lied awake in bed, unable to decide if my insomnia was due to my erection or devastating chicken-nugget farts that choked the air.

Her last show ended. She went home, walked up to her support chamber, closed the door. The arm lowered and removed her "helmet." The Emperor appeared on the hologram and

I imagined the table to be like a giant rectangle alien. It was a flat hard alien from a planet of table legs. Then my client wept. The judge spoke. Stupid judge, always ruining

Jimmy loved the ocean, but he couldn't stay afloat without his yellow ducky inner tube. On a particularly foggy Pacific morning, his inner tube popped when he brushed up against

'If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me,' he crooned into the mike. Sheila's cheeks burned cos she knew the song was meant for her. She started to

There was no way I could have known it would turn out like this. I'd met Geoff at a Hollywood club just 3 weeks ago and now I was staring down at