The French have no idea of how to design anything practical. The hydraulic suspension on my Citroën was leaking again but I loved the car. I called it the Hatchback of Notre Dame

Usually it's in my nature to show self restraint, but as I looked down at the mangled remains of the homeless man, I had to laugh. "I can't believe I ate the whole thing."

If I'm honest with myself, I really don't know what I was expecting. All I knew was that I couldn't keep the lab afloat without a major influx of cash. So I applied the balm & wait

List of future inventions: 1. A strap-on flashlight. 2. Toilet seat recliner. 3. Fruit with genetically engineered barcodes. 4. Spam-baby. 5. Goldfish hamster ball.

If I ran my high school I'd...

If you fold this story, can I fold yours?

I was idly staring into space while hacking into my own wrists with the sharp silver blade. The blood ran down my arms and dripped on the floor, as I continued to slash to the beat

It came to him when he was trussed up in a mailbag in the back of a van apparently leaving the city limits. It must have been his hairstylist. She was the only one he'd told

Lady Gaga strode down the red carpet in a dress made entirely of live babies clinging to her pale, nude body. Little did she know.

But he'd lied. He didn't have Parkinson's disease he

It was the last night of The Silver Gulch Casino. Peter DeMarco crooned the old standards in the smoke-filled lounge. Only five people looked up from their shrimp cocktails. "Hey."

"Listen baby, you got the part!" I hung up the phone stunned. Me, I was picked out of the thousand Ant-Eater trainer's for an off-boadway production! Why? Was it my albino skin?

Do you believe? Do you really believe? How do you know you're not fooling yourself? Pretending, year after confusing year, that

Once there was a velociraptor with a rainbow mustache and a fedora. He was walking through the forest, and was suddenly attacked by

Having 2 heads isn't all that brilliant. People might think I'm extra clever with my ability to look everywhere at once but really it's not so good. I get double vision and

Their was a kid named Alex. He was a small cute little boy that just wanted to fit in. It was his first day in elementary school he was nervous and excited at the same time

You never really notice how many ridiculous things you think of until you suddenly get the power to make what you think into reality. Presently I am surrounded by 34 Jiggly Puffs,

It is the year 3069. The prophesy will be fulfilled. All the signs are here. Eric Estrada avatars with exploding coconuts are a red flag for Father John. They gathered on the Rock

Tell me why? The teacher says. "I dunno" Bruno mumbles. "I just hate it here. I miss my friends in Berlin. This place smells. I had to do something. Anything." He tries not to cry.

Jim felt sporty and foxy as he ran along the avenue, legs flashing, pecs boasting -- he was in The Zone! But a haunted man blocked his path. He sounded Russian. "Nyet! Eto Zona!" J