"With fire magic, the latin-y words don't make you catch fire; rather, magic shifts our timeline to one in which you'd happen to catch fire via other means. So you see, Your Honor,

It's always the dude with the monster schlong that wants to hit the nudie beach. But I guess that's how the world works; play to your strengths. So the seven of us ended up on a

"Rabbits don't fly. Eagles don't swim. Ducks look funny trying to climb. Squirrels don't have feathers. Stop comparing. There's plenty of room in the forest!" Mr. Fox & his running

Buttercup. Yellow. Sun. Ra. Cleopatra. Asp. Stripes. Tiger. Burning. Symmetry. Circle. Egg. Sperm. Tadpole. Croak. Crickets. Wickets. Grass. Daisy. Buttercup.

One cold night on old Mars, Jherek Manatee went down to the canal and began to croon: "I am a lone starfaring stranger, traveling through these worlds alone. There is no

I was at an avant garde concert. It was super quiet & then BANGBANGBANG!! a helluva noise. The 6 month foetus in my womb starjumped into my lungs. Would that permanently affect it?

Aristocrats from all around gathered in Kensington Hall to determine whose china was gleamiest. Madam Paddingston set her chip-and-dip serving china on the judging table. Gasps of

"Awesome dude! We found your toe! You'll be famous. We'll put the vid on youtube & send your toe to Dawson City." "I want my toe back." "No way, Finder's keepers. You can drink it!

"Am I prolix?" asked the small shrimpy animancule swimming in the gloop. "Perhaps 'less is more' should be my mantra from now on." Smiling ever so slightly it flicked its pinkish

"But professor, ma'am, you're half-asleep!" "Heh, I can do science in my sleep. Being merely half-asleep is just overkill." She tongued her lucky prosimian skull and mixed the blue

It is a guilty secret of modern psychology that more is understood about the motivation of thirsty rats & hungry pecking pigeons as they press levers than is known about how poets

I didn't plan on becoming a courtesan. But when I met the Comte de Camembert at the Opera de Ville, I couldn't resist his offers of chateaux, gold Louis and fine stallions. Helas!

I have all the Elton John life-size collectable "living dolls" from the Tyrell Corporation. My favorite is Tiny Dancer - she's SO tiny, only comes up to my knee, and holds me

They call me Dirk and I call them bastards. All of them. If hate was metal, they'd be in chains right now. My thoughts alone could boil the flesh off their bones.

Our village's peace was shattered one pleasant autumn day when Lady Constance and Reverend Parkins nearly came to blows over the topic of green tea. The repercussions of that dis

Please place towel on the floor if you need a new one. As a small step to saving the environment, we suggest you use your champagne chiller as a penis beaker. -The Hotel Staff.

How cool would it be if we had access to historical accounts of massive blunders and successes throughout history? Such a resource could really come in handy. Instead, we're

"Rodger me with a halibut!" screamed the headmaster. Head Boy Lionel Throckmorton began caning any and all Prefects within range, while Ms. Carwell, the newly appointed French

Hades split the pomegranate open and took a handful of flesh. He stroked Persephone's hair and parted her lips. He fed her 4 pomegranate seeds. He licked the juice from her lovely

He watches them play. They are inside a giant glass bowl, but they don't know it. He is on the outside. Except the glass bowl speaks to him, about what they do. It says satirical t