Bernice the bear lived in a zoo. It was dingy, small, and the people there treated her like an animal. (Irony?) She planned to escape the next day; Her plan was to

"Where to?" asked the taxi driver. He looked back, noticing a burly, armored man wielding a halberd. "Raiders fan?" The man gripped his weapon. He was actually an executioner from

Quentin signed for the package and nervously pulled the tab on the envelope. Palms sweating, he reached inside and pulled out what appeared to be a photograph. It was of a thumb.

The photograph showed an anaconda wrapped around a baby. When the mother returned, she saw a white space in the picture where the snake was. By the crib she

This is a test

I was seeing deeper and simultaneously more broadly than ever before. I saw people's true nature instantly. I saw rainbows and sun dogs at night. The glare from the

"Come with me," he said, staring into my eyes as he offered his hand through the open door, "Please... I'm begging you to come with me." I wanted to come with, I really did but

In celebration of the birth of the newest member of the royal family, I decided to send William & Kate a baby gift! I settled on something I thought no one else would think of...a

What's for dinner?

"Look, you're my friend and all but fuck you for waking me up at 2 am for your dumbass conspiracy theory." "BUT KEVIN THE JANITOR IS AN ACTUAL FAIRY. HE HAS THE WINGS AND STUFF."

Head reeling, he watched her slumped figure disappear into nothingness. "Could it be?" He thought to himself, almost laughing at how ridiculous his explanation was for what he saw.

I'm a 26 year old woman, married, live with my husband and 4 year old son. My life is as normal as yours, the only minor difference is -- I live "under" the bed.

The sieve-like defenses of my pillow fort were no match for my little sister's hockey stick. "Retreat!" I said, grabbing my plastic lightsaber and escaping out the back. My Teddy

Meredith spit out her gum and reapplied her lip gloss. She leaned back in her office chair, peeking around the wall of her cubicle. Julia was leaning over the copier, furiously

I looked up into the steely eyes of Dr. Hamm. "We're going to put you under now," he said softly. "Count backwards from 10...9...8...7.." When I opened my eyes again, I was shocked

The next time Smiley Gyrus appeared on TV, Dad shot the television, just as he said he would. "I will not have that smut broadcast into our home. Son, your internet is conditional:

I do not know how the studio expected to make money from a film that insults the only audience that will be drawn to watch it.

Once upon a time there was a young girl who lived with her pet turtle. She loved her pet turtle more than anything else in the world. She was lucky because her pet turtle could

The people at the Even Larger Collider felt sorry for the most pitiful black hole, and so they tried to make a smaller one. For what is life but desire, consumption and comparison,

As I sat in the comfortable recliner in the shrink's office, I couldn't get the damn song out of my head. 'They're coming to take me away hahahihihoho to the funny farm..' It had